Loose Ends

It's all coming together. I'm nearly at the end. One more week...

I began this week arriving early for an appointment outside the field placement duties. Then, I tended the necessary office task--prepping bulletins for all the week's services. I enjoy this task. Copying the current week's readings into the template, printing, and copying the anticipated number, knowing all is ready is very satisfying. Often I print more copies than are needed. Seldom do we run out and have to share. I prefer the former. Anticipating, expecting, hoping for a "full" house (even if that is only 10 or 12) is optimistic. I am basically an optimistist. I believe things will turn out okay; everything will work out in the end; all will be well and all manner of thing will be well (to loosely quote Julian of Norwich). Otherwise, despair lurks just outside the door, looking for a way in.

It is possible to hope for the wrong thing, according to T. S. Eliot:

"I said to my soul, be still and wait without hope, for hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love, for love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith, but the faith and the love are all in the waiting. Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought: So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing." 

This is a favorite quote of a former mentor of mine purposed to teach hoping for right things. Often we hope for fleeting things--for some pain to evaporate or for a dreaded task to be done by someone else or for magic to bring good fortune and fame. You, dear reader, know how it is. In the world of ministry, pastoral care, spiritual care, we must place our hope in the right Thing. While doing this field placement, I've also been part of a group being trained in Stephen Ministry. We are taught that as Stephen Ministers we offer care while God provides the cure. We hope in God's cure. 

Here at St. Paul's Senior Services Spiritual Care Department, we place our hope in God's thing rather than our own.

Tuesday the chaplains came together for the monthly meeting and, with the help of our dear Michele, admin assistant, we surprised Fr. Jason with cupcakes for his birthday. The meeting was also my opportunity to thank all the chaplains who have helped me along the way. I summarized the memorial service project interviews I had done into a resource document that Fr. Jason reviewed. One loose end tied up.

Chaplain Louise, at PACE Nemeth, invited me to lead the devotional service earlier that morning while she tended a necessary outside appointment. I was delighted to help in that way. It gave me the opportunity to create a service I thought would meet the needs of the folks at Nemeth and then see how it went in real time. Happily, I think it went alright. I had an interesting time choosing old familiar hymns, finding music downloads to accompany us, and weaving them loosely into a simplified morning prayer. I printed too many copies of the program I typed up based on attendance when I had visited earlier in the summer, but that's okay! Louise mentioned later that a scheduling change had diverted about half of her regulars elsewhere.  

Wednesday I met with Chaplain Bill at PACE Akaloa. I enjoyed a last and inconclusive talk session with a woman I've mentioned before. Dangling ends... Bill and I discussed some of his upcoming plans and shared a prayer for each other. Weaving ends...

Returning to Maple Street, I dropped in on a hospice client I've been visiting all week. I spoke briefly with her hospice nurse. Mostly I just sat with the lady imagining her focused internally on completing her life on this earth. Her breath was uneven, but she was calm and relaxed, unlike on Monday when her agitation kept her searching for a way out of the bed or a more comfortable position or something. I could only pray for God's peace and comfort to accompany her passage. I continue to pray for her wondering if I'll see her again next week.

The week ended on a sad note. Some loose ends just dangle. Fr. Jason and I had planned a final visit with a woman who was moving soon to another facility. I dropped by near the end of my day to confirm we'd see her next week only to discover she had left already! A thread of sadness dangled as I left the building. On one hand I felt I had failed her; on another, I realized that she had been unable to provide full information, unable to update her departure plan. In the complexity of managing one's tasks, sometimes hopes get displaced. She hoped for a closing visit. I hoped to join Fr. Jason for a farewell Eucharist with her. I hoped to send her off with a loving blessing. She hoped being closer to her daughter would improve her quality of life. A dashed hope, a loose end--we must keep hoping, keep waiting with faith and love in the right thing.   

This blog entry ends on a loose note. I can't tie this week altogether into a neat theology. My thoughts defy completion. They dangle and wander. I'll not hope for a thing that might be wrong. I'll let them be as they seek their way home.