Moving Toward

Field Placement Week 7

I've been visiting a woman weekly who I first met at a worship service. Later, her name was given to me as someone who might want a visit. She did accept my visit that day, and I've visited her every week since. We've talked about a lot of things, mostly past and present. Future ideas remain largely unspoken. I sense she is moving toward the end of life. I can't say for sure. I'm not making a prediction. I sense something, and I think it is something like disappointment. Her comments have alluded to frustration with waning abilities, regret for things left undone, and a lingering sense of how her family needs her--needs she can no longer fulfill. In past weeks she has bounced between such comments and statements of faith and acknowledgment of things done. This week she seemed particularly bereft as though a large store of energy had been depleted and she had no means of replenishing it. After just a short time, she said she didn't feel up to a visit. I asked if we could pray before I left. She agreed.

In contrast, another woman I have visited is a woman who was introduced to me as someone "probably not long for this world". My exchange with her has been minimal, but over the past few weeks, I've witnessed evidence of feistiness that I interpret as very much alive in her world. From the first visit, she has managed brief but distinct awareness. I haven't had sufficient conversation to ascertain any reflection regarding moving toward her death. What I wonder about is whether she does in fact see herself that way. What is her perception of how close she is to death?

Another contrast is with a woman in the Memory Care section that, though appearing strong and healthy in body, indicates serious loss of cognition. What is her sense of moving forward? What is she moving toward? This woman seems to recognize me, greeting me with a big smile and holding lengthy eye contact, but I know it isn't me she is remembering. In fact, her response is likely to me as something new in her world that day. She is receptive and, in turn, responsive.

I move toward each of these woman, and others, each week in faith that what is happening that day for them is meaningful, is part of their personal story, is relevant in the larger view of things. I listen because I want to know. I respond because I value them as humans with whom I share earthly space. We breathe the same air. We are made of the same substance. We are moving toward the same ending. It may not appear on the outside as a "happy ending" or it might. It isn't happy I am after even though culture and society often demand such endings, ultimately, even if superficially. We only accept dystopia as a way of contrasting our own less-than-happiness. In this broad contrast, the Good News of Christ can be overshadowed by the here and now. Lady 1 above seems very much aware of the contrasts she bemoans. Lady 2 may bring her feistiness to bear in her effort to stave off the contrasts. Lady 3 perhaps has moved forward to a place where everything is here and now in the briefest form of that cliche, without contrast. Who among us--them and me--moves toward our ending with the greatest ease? With the greatest trust in the promise of life everlasting? With the greatest peace, despite the trials of our humanity?

Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to the span of your life? Where did we get the idea that more is better? What are we moving toward?

Moving Deeper

Field Placement Blog 
Week 5

Four participants attended the workshop, Legacy in Story, held Monday afternoon at the Manor. An overarching goal was to broaden the impact of the Spiritual Care Department beyond the "regulars" who attend its weekly events. To this end, I planned a topic that might have broad appeal to those not readily responsive to spiritual topics, but which would also connect to spiritual interests. I used the image of the hero's journey, adapted to reveal the "heroic" journey of everyone's life. The purpose was to encourage participants to take a fresh look at their own life experience through a familiar lens and/or to take a new look using an unfamiliar lens so as to tell their story/stories to friends and family reimagined in transformative ways. As Carol Pearson in The Hero Within writes, "Heroism for this age requires us to take our journeys, to find the treasure of our true selves, and to share that treasure with the community as a whole—through doing and being fully who we are. To the degree that we do so, our kingdoms are transformed."

This latter approach particularly invites looking at the less desirable corners of life, e.g., areas of disappointment, perceived failure, loss, and the unreconciled. To encourage this, I tried to offer a safe space that would not demand emotional disclosure or factual self-report. Yet, I included examples of these in my overview and explanations. As Jesus modeled inclusivity through his everyday life socializing with and responding to outcasts of many stripes, we too can model acceptance by leading the way in disclosure or self-report. I assure you no "outcasts" attended this workshop, but when I offered an illustration of one of my personal "failures," one participant in particular laughingly identified, saying she too had "failed" in the same way. We then laughed together recalling our youthful folly. Through such acceptance, the most reticent member of the group gradually relaxed into its receptive atmosphere. 

I thought this week about Bette Davis' saying that "Old age ain't for sissies". As I visited different facilities and a number of elders in each, I recognized heroes all around. One woman with smooth, pure white hair has an elegant face carved with beautiful evidence of a richly expressive life. A group of PACE participants cheerfully painted flowers with full respect for lines and details. A sweet lady cuddled her familiar, an infant-sized babydoll, as she wandered a bit among the crowd. I listened to descriptions of home and history and everyday experiences taking the bus as well as worries over housing, loss of precious ability, and neglectful children. And one woman spoke with deep gratitude for her PACE, highlighting all the reasons she is pleased to be there--the people, the good food, the clinics. 

I encouraged the participants on Monday and an ailing woman alone in her room on Tuesday and a disabled woman hoping for a second career on Wednesday to be their own heroes. I recall a quote from the Tom Hanks character, Joe, in the film, Joe Vs. the Volcano, who, after waiting in vain for a rescue, realized, "I am my only hope for a hero". Joe, like Jesus, recognized that we each must live our own lives. We each must take responsibility for its heroic journey. We each must carry our own crosses, face our own destinies, and, ultimately, tell our own stories in the best way we can. And, like Jesus, in the most painful and frightful moments of our lives, we can call upon our God for help beyond imagining.  

Moving Outward

Field Placement Blog 4

Week 4:           Moving Outward

Monday Fr. Jason and I drove out to visit St. Paul’s PACE Akaloa in Chula Vista to meet Chaplain Bill. PACE is a program of all-inclusive elder care with a variety of services available. The focus of this meeting was to overview a grief project Bill and I will work on together. He has laid the groundwork for a ministry that we hope to expand to other PACE sites and, perhaps, to benefit the entire organization. This project addresses one of my field placement goals, so I was anxious to begin. However, I will save the details for a future post. Bill and I coordinated our calendars to find dates when I will return. 

Upon our return to home-base we learned of a going-away-party for a staff member. Who can turn down an ice cream social? Plus, it afforded an opportunity to connect with the Activities Director at the Manor regarding the flyers that I had finalized earlier for the upcoming workshop. Those discussed and delivered, ice cream eaten, it was time for some visiting at McColl. I returned to visit the little lady from last week to find she was away for hospital care. Instead, I met a recently arrived man very hard of hearing. His room was across from the nurses’ station, so our conversation was broadcast to all! We chatted about the photos on his wall, I prayed for him, and we spoke back and forth. I actually understood almost nothing he said. And, so I am not sure I responded appropriately, but he was cheerful enough about the whole thing. I try to err on the side of caring. Another lady seems to always be sitting in the lobby when I arrive. She remembers and greets me enthusiastically. We chat briefly.

Tuesday morning is service bulletin preparation time. Fr. Jason was out getting a tooth examined so we didn’t have to bump into each other around the computer. There were other organizational details to manage—a Care Bear to approve (I just convey messages between Fr. Jason and Chaplain Louise as I have no power to approve anything!), a meeting to schedule, so again it was afternoon before I made it to visiting time. 

I went straight to the woman at the Villa to check on her progress. She was in her room resting. I can’t say more comfortablybecause right away she noted her pain was not improved and she hoped her doctor would give her a shot of something later in the week. Still she seemed glad to see me and I drew up a chair. She has a way of getting right to the important stuff. She likes to talk “spirituality” and she willingly shares her life and history. A nurse had given her a stuffed giraffe connected to a baby giraffe. She had named the baby but couldn’t decide on a name for the mother. I mentioned that I had seen giraffes in the wild in Africa and a few of the details I remembered from my safari. This drew us into recollections of travel in her past arriving at the Vatican in Rome. So, we were once again at the heart of her spiritual world. Eventually we closed with prayer. Or, I prayed, first asking what she would like prayer for. One thing she mentioned seemed unnecessarily heavy to me and so I prayed such that when she heard my phrasing, she laughed out loud. I loved it! Often the best we can do with the burdens we have is to try to “lighten up”!

 Wednesday, I drove to PACE Nemeth to meet with Chaplain Louise. I arrived in time for her worship service. Afterwards, we discussed a plan for me to visit a lady I met at the service who has no one in the world! We scheduled three visits over the remainder of the summer. Perhaps I’ll be able to fit in one more. I’m sure I’ll have updates for a future post.

This weeks’ time on-site closed with the devotional service with the Senior Day participants followed by a visit at McColl. My little lady with the oxygen machine was back from the hospital. She slumped in her wheel chair with what appeared to be great effort. She seemed to want prayer but couldn’t name anything she desired beyond saying she’d like to lie down. I didn’t stay long, feeling that my presence was too heavy for her to bear. She is a tiny wisp of a woman, barely able to speak above a whisper, breathing, it appears, only because the oxygen machine pushes air in. I wondered if she could say what she wants, if she’d ask to have it removed. 

It’s a thin line, it seems, between trusting in and allowing God and supplanting God with willful human machinations. Of course, I would never project my view on anyone. But I do wonder just how moveable is the threshold that is death—if it can be moved at all. Perhaps that is a question for the far reaches of inter-stellar space. Perhaps only out there could we obtain the perspective to rightly answer it.

Moving Forward

Field Placement Blog 3

Week 3:           Moving Forward

Right off the top, plans change. No trip to El Cajon this week! Hopefully, next week. Monday morning, we reshaped the plans for the week, organizing tools for my tasks. I will be updating the templates for the services at the Manor, the Villa, and the Senior Day Program, printing the originals, and making copies. While this doesn’t demand new learning, it is a pleasure because it facilitates the worship services provided for these locations. At the Manor and the Villa and the Plaza, Fr. Jason celebrates Eucharist. At Senior Day and the Villa are devotional services with singing, scripture, and prayers. This week we used the Collect and Lessons for Independence Day. No services were held on the 4^th due to closures on the holiday. Everywhere we visited, preparations were in the works for bar-be-ques or other celebrations. We were also able to get some of the workshops planned last week on the calendar and I’ll get those flyers complete and posted first thing next Monday.

My other task this week was writing an article for the next Messengerissue which will focus on St. Paul’s. Our article is toward an effort to enlist an altar guild to help Fr. Jason tend the services demanding stain-free linens and clean cups and patens. It turns out that some volunteers have stepped up to help the Manor chapel. But the other chapels still need help, so the article will proceed as planned. 

 Twice this week I visited residents at McColl and the Villa. I requested suggestions from front desk staff and was given a short list of names and room numbers. Upon arrival at the rooms, some declined a visit, others welcomed me. One woman who is likely to die soon mostly slept during my visit. She responded when spoken to and agreed to a prayer on her behalf. Otherwise, I simply sat with her, being present to a few of her remaining moments. The CNA came in to take vitals and had difficulty getting her hands warm enough for a reading with the electronic device he used. As I sat with her, I wondered about her—who she would be leaving behind; how she had lived her life. Her breath was regular, assisted by an oxygen machine. After a time, I said goodbye and moved on. I had hoped to return to her room the next day but did not. I’ll check in next week. 

I also chatted with a man waiting in the lobby for a ride to get some tests. There had been a scheduling snafu, so his wait was longer than expected. But he was in good spirits. He volunteered details of his interesting past working in amazing places around the world doing several different things. He was anxious to get this test done so he could, hopefully, soon go pick up his RV and relieve friends of tending his dogs. Don’t we all want life to get back to normal when our foot is bandaged up or our nostrils are attached to a machine or our whole body just isn’t cooperating?

Another woman I had previously met at Eucharist. She remembered me, and we had two engaging conversations. The first day I visited she was feeling poorly, uncomfortable, and frustrated with herself and the conditions she felt forced to live with. Isn’t this just the way that we often think when our bodies betray our desires, our age insists on its limitations? She had very recently been much more active and was suffering the loss of her mobility and freedom. The next day she was up in her wheelchair, dressed and lipsticked! She was less frustrated with her residence, but more so with her son who was having frustrations of a different kind. As we talked and she shared bits of her life, I reflected on the emotional ties that both hold us together and bind us perhaps unnecessarily. This is a woman of great faith who is particularly curious about me and my role as chaplain intern. She contrasted what I shared with ideas she once held about what she might have done in service had she had the chance. 

Sometimes upon arrival at a room or scheduled event there is a delay and we wait in the hall or the foyer or the lobby. Even in the waiting there is ministry—time to pause and take stock of “the list”, time to stop in the bath room or get a drink of water or reply to a text that we’ll be 15 minutes later than planned—ministry to self and others waiting on the other end of the day’s agenda or week’s calendar or summer’s field placement. It is our life’s surround that holds us firmly in place and makes us able to drive back tomorrow and try again. It is God's grace that strengthens us to walk into a darkened room to minister to a stranger.

Settling In

Field Placement Blog 2

Week 2:           Settling In

I’m feeling much more comfortable this week—knowing what’s what, what’s where, and who’s who. Tuesday, we visited the Plaza site in Otay Ranch-Chula Vista. This beautiful new multi-focused facility is impressive. Jason expected to celebrate the twice-monthly Eucharist service, but it had been accidentally left off the daily events list. The “regulars” were either nowhere to be seen or having a late lunch. So, we went to Plan B. We met with the activities director to discuss the omission and other matters. Then we tried to visit a resident. She was not at home. Lesson: somedays things just don’t go as planned. But the extra time made a stop to purchase supplies possible.

Tuesday we also mapped out some specific tasks for meeting my learning goals. We’ve been discussing ways to capture interest that might draw more participants into Chaplaincy Dept. offerings. I designed a couple of workshops that I hope will have broad appeal. We met with the activities director at the Manor about scheduling—now waiting for her input. We will also offer them to the residents at the Plaza. The first is titled “Legacy as Story”. It is designed to help participants reframe their life’s story to reveal its “hero’s journey” to benefit family and friends. Secondly is “Listening to Soul”. This workshop will explore cross-cultural imagery about soul and use “Sandplay” as an expressive medium for inspiration, reflection, and self-expression. Sandplay is a Jungian-oriented expressive process using, in this setting, small bowls of sand and small-scale objects from the natural and created worlds. 

I’ll also be working to create a template for all the chaplains to use in creating and offering periodic events of remembrance for resident/participants who have recently passed. These might be quarterly at each site. Plus, an annual organization-wide event is also possible, perhaps as a Thanksgiving tie-in.

I led the Senior Day Worship Service on Tuesday as Jason was called away to McColl for a resident’s passing. This service includes scriptures, prayers, singing, and a short simple message based on the gospel.  It serves seniors in the intergenerational day program. Twice daily the seniors are joined by older day care kids for joint activities. Some participants have requested something more—maybe a Bible verse discussion group. Also, the CNA asked about musical visitors to entertain and share. I have some ideas about responding to this query I will explore next week.  

We hoped to visit the third PACE location, Akaloa, and meet the chaplain there, but twice, scheduling factors postponed this plan. It’s at the top of the list for next week. 

Last, in my unscheduled time, I visited residents at McColl including the roommate of the resident who recently passed. I first checked with the nurse at the desk for suggested names/room numbers. The first listed was not in her room, but her roommate welcomed a visit. One gentleman declined a visit preferring alone-time. The last on the list was a woman I met last week with her daughter. Her daughter was again visiting, but the resident was feeling poorly. This visit was short. I then stopped by the Manor lounge and met a lovely woman who was waiting for a friend to pick her up for lunch. She was chatty and fun, happy to tell me about herself and some of her life history. As an immigrant from England, she and her husband, now passed, certainly had an interesting life journey. I hope she will show up for the workshop as she is exactly the kind of person we hope to interest. I asked if she’d met Chaplain Jason. She had not. I think of the many others like her we might meet during the summer. I always remind these folks I visit that we chaplains are only a phone call away. 

I ended this week with the workshop “sing-along” in Memory Care at the Villa. This happy service follows the Eucharist in the Assisted Living chapel downstairs. The ladies and one man mostly brighten up and sing along with the old familiar hymns. Familiar scriptures are dispersed among the songs. One lady is quite enthusiastic, especially with helping her neighbor stay on the right page of the booklet. She really didn’t want us to leave as she was ready to sing more. Another napped through most of the time. I know music is important in memory care and it’s such a pleasure to attend this short service. Whether they are reading along or singing from memory, most of them sing along word-for-word, mostly.We had to compete with the garbage truck outside, but who cares! It’s all about the worship, the sharing, the loving.

My mini-message to the day residents was on Jesus’ commandment to love one another. These first two weeks I’ve shadowed Jason a lot, watching not just what he does, but how he does it. His warm presence with individuals and groups despite the humidity or the noise or other interruptions is always in evidence. His schedule is a continual stream of movement between sites, services, and situations. He flows with grace and humor. His “parish” is large, diverse, and far-flung. It’s a lot to manage and hold in love. I am fortunate to have this learning experience.

Tours and Introductions

                                                                                                

St. Paul’s Senior Services

Week 1:           Tours and Introductions

St. Paul’s Senior Services has generously welcomed me for field placement this summer. Lead Chaplain Jason Samuel has taken me under his wing with energy and enthusiasm. I’m starting a bit late due to various bumps on the road, but now it’s smooth going. My calendar is set, the commute logistics are configured, and only parking remains to keep me on my toes. Finding a non-metered, non-time-limited space is a competitive sport in the neighborhood around the core sites of this multi-faceted organization. The goal is to avoid long hikes. On the other hand, they are a good cardio fitness boost! So maybe I should welcome them. This is an example of how the ministry ministers back—you get more than you give.

So far, I’ve visited all the sites but one, not counting those serving the recently homeless. I’ve attended two Eucharist services and one worship service in memory care and one is adult daycare. The participants at the two worship services enjoy singing and hearing scripture. I’ve toured the accessible areas of the sites and met the staff who can direct me to activity locations, explain what’s going on, and make introductions to residents and others. It’s a lot to take in!

The highlight of this first week resulted from an unexpected on-my-own day. At the Villa—assisted living and memory care—I discovered a fun activity just beginning. Inspired by the theme “Christmas in June”, the participants were invited to make small “gingerbread houses” from graham crackers, frosting “glue”, and an assortment of small candies for decorating. I sat nearby to watch, but was quickly drawn in. Being a crafty type, I had ideas about the tasks of getting the cracker walls and roof to hold up. With trial and error, I first figured out that the walls needed to be “glued” to the paper plates first if they were ever going to stand up. Some other things we learned together:

·     Too much frosting soaks the crackers and they collapse into a gummy mess

·     Sticky fingers pull apart what you just tried to stick together

·     Keep trying, it may stick next time

·     Laugh when the ceiling falls in and when the walls collapse and when your fingers are covered in frosting “glue” because it really is funny

·     Messy crafts are more fun when you can eat the craft supplies

·     The laughter is the fun part

I had to ask myself, “is this proper ministry for a chaplain?” The answer is, “Yes! Definitely yes!” I call it sweet laughing ministry. I’m putting it on my schedule every week! Some of you readers may have attended a Laughter Therapy session that was popular a few years ago. The craft time above reminded me of those. Laughter generates more laughter and lightens heavy loads. 

This week closed with looking ahead: What tasks can I take on weekly to support the work of pastoral care? How can my expertise and gifts be used to enrich the offerings to the residents and participants? How can I support and learn from the entire chaplaincy team?